Fear and love never share the same blanket.
Millennial era taught me, men prefers to have -no strings attached relationship.
From friends with benefits to No strings attached; I believed in the story of Bridges to Madison county. I got married before I could think of sacrificing my happiness and dreams for a man. By the time I understood desires, hopes, connection; I was a mother of two lovely kids. Marriage was a well-thought decision.
I assumed the world around me must be functioning with a similar arrangement. No, it didn’t. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus-book was gaining popularity and women had started questioning their own growth in a specific period.
When I theorized that the quest of finding a soulmate continues till you get married; the world around me showed me a different picture.
Life to some twosomes wasn’t about paying bills, buying policies and investing for kid’s education and future; they were looking for the missing piece of romance in their marriage and I was learning how-unhappy chaotic marriages function. The separation was forbidden.
My perception towards marriage and relationship in general changed,when some when marriages failed to meet individual emotional needs. My fingers fumbled to write love-stories. Some questions were unnerving me.
Then I met some single-separated women looking for a meaningful relationship. I was thrilled. Optimistic. Glad for their new beginning.
Like me, they too believed in Jerry-Maguire’s; you complete me. (Growing up in the;90s, love was supposed to be a promising emotion)but soon they were caught up in a heart drenching turmoil of uncertainty.
Unfortunately, the man they met had temporary feelings, and they turned the woman into a shattered urn. I noticed them battling, questioning self-worth, paying money to astrologers and tarot card readers for their temporary sanity. Finally, the therapy worked.
Self-development and self-love philosophy directed their paths. They bloomed into an empathetic, loving, generous and forgiving soul. But. They closed their heart for any other relationship.
Believing in the monk’s philosophy of life, I am learning- our heart is surrounded by tiny elements called-fear. Sometimes this element gets deeply embedded in our cells, and we stop giving ourselves another chance to live, dream and desire. Fear overpowers. The women who allow fear, to write their destiny often end up having one bitter story in their version; while those who face fear courageously write their own destiny.
Now my heart doesn't question a man’s approach and intentions in a connection. I know, why do they drift away from a relationship without giving it a proper closure? So does a woman.
(Emotionality and Vulnerability of A Single Men.” by shweta upadhyay https://link.medium.com/zI2pYSYFV3).
Speaking at length on emotional vulnerability, soulful connection, the social fabricate of Asian society that slaughters human sentiments sounds modern and liberal while nestling love needs courage. Fear and love never share the same blanket.
I had my answer. My uneasiness had to leave. My words and beliefs agreed to create a niche, where fear would never interfere with thoughts, words and expression.
(A sojourn changed my life forever.” by shweta upadhyay https://link.medium.com/MH1BTijzS3).
These days I am writing more on self-love, solitude and my journey.