Dating a married man could be a love-scheme; not Love.
I often try to find the reason that brings a married man and woman together. Certainly not under the same roof. I know they enjoy texting, talking, meeting or going on long drives far from the hustle-bustle of the city and come back home pretending they worked all day.
The man and woman both convince themselves with a myriad of explanations for making this choice. An Adrenaline rush and an optimum secretion of the Estrogen hormone revitalizes them.
Let me write about this from a woman’s viewpoint to ease the narration. A married guy is an emotionally unavailable man, busy playing different roles. He is a husband, might be a father, a working professional and sometimes a public figure. In this situation one of the partners often gives more whereas the other becomes a passive receiver. If He is a passive receiver than soon the woman realizes that she is dealing with a love-scheme. There is no Love.
He is someone who was looking for admiration, affirmation or may be a temporary relief from his busy ,boring routine. Nothing more than this.
She made him feel good about himself. He felt like one of the boys from old University campus. And??? That’s it. He has taken his share emotionally and sexually. He doesn’t need to spice-up his life anymore.
Now the game is over.
Are you the one who was the giver?
The care taker?
Then fasten your seat belt as you have signed up for an anxious roller coaster ride. And I know you never knew what you were signing up for?
Who is Victimized in this companionship ?
The Giver. The Dreamer.
Why? Because the person who is emotionally wounded is often the one who lacks self-love. A quest for love minus thoughtfulness brings two anxious souls together. The late-night texts the halcyon days and malaise-free nights do not last longer. Soon another drama begins. The person who loses control over emotions and assumes that the companionship would last no matter what comes their way, often ends up paying for the therapy sessions.
ABC says-”I had been asking XYZ-Why doesn’t he meet me on weekends or surprise me sometimes with his visit? He never gave a genuine reply.
She adds, after two or three sexual encounters, he started ghosting her. Avoided her calls. Replied to her text with minimum syllables. She adds the beginning was so unusual. They used to text and call each other for no specific reason. It changed after the physical intimacy.
“The female was speculating all the motives behind his sudden withdrawal and then blamed herself for falling into the honey trap”.
How to deal with this situation.
#Accept the rejection wholeheartedly. Accept that you were the one who tried to make it work; when you had to walk away.
#Accept ,it was a wrong choice.
#Tell yourself that a married guy is not an eligible person to sign up for romance.
#Do not expect an apology from him. Escapists do not apologise. He knows how to turn the game and blame others. He never took responsibility for his actions.
#Do not fall into the same trap after learning a lesson. If you do so, it would be a choice not a mistake.
#Do not Victimize yourself. It won’t make it easier.
Let him go . What’s not yours’s will never be yours’s. He was always trying to run from something or the other, that’s how he came to you. You will never be enough for him. So, relax. Do not try to win his heart or please him in any way. Honesty is still the best policy in all the relationships.
If he was kind, empathetic and a sensitive man then you wouldn’t be repenting meeting him. Most extramarital affairs commence with -” It’s a cosmic and soulful bond” and ends up with “I never knew she/he would ghost me like this”.
I am not a relationship expert. But I am an Empath. I have seen people suffering in silence and blaming themselves for not taking a right call. Sometimes not choosing to suffer for someone is the wisest choice one can make. Life is an endless series of let go.
Embrace Change and give yourself a fair chance to Love, Trust Live an authentic version of yourself.